Waiting

Hey every one just thought I'd stop and write a quick something. I'm still here and I do read all the blogs. Just time seems to drag when I don't want it to and when I get a chance to even get on the computer I never have enough time. So I have been reading every night and I am on my last book!! I read 4 books in a month and that is very rare for me!!!!! But I can't put them down. I'll be writing a blog about them and can't wait for you all to hear. I think every one would like it. Becky introduced them to me and I got my sister Rachael to start reading them. Also an older lady from walmart went and bought them after she asked me about them. CRAZY!!!! So I can't wait just bare with me, the girls keep me very busy but I'll tell you all about them in just a bit. Hope all is well for everyone.

WEB CAM

HEY!!! I was so happy the other night because I was able to see Brandon on the web cam! Even though there was a big delay I was still able to see his beautiful face!! He was able to see me and the girls. It was very bitter sweet. I was very happy to see him but sad at the same time because it made me miss him even more. But I have squared my shoulders and am pushing on. I hope we get to do the more often!! It would be a breath of fresh air to able to see him again! I love and miss you BUNNY!

The days are long, the nights are even longer!

Well I guess I'm making my self write a new blog. I need to try and pull my self out of this funk that I'm in. I know that these blogs always make me feel alittle better every time I write one, so here it goes.

I took Brandon to work early Saturday morning (the 17th) and thats where I said goodbye. He had to be there by 0300 and finale good byes were at 0700. We didn't even sleep that night before we just sat and talked and wanted to spend every min. together. Once I got there and saw all the other guys getting their weapons drawn and packing their assault packs on the truck. It started to hit me like a ton of bricks. I did my best trying to keep everything together for Brandon but some tears just wouldn't stay hidden.

I was watching everyone sit and talk and talk shop like all the guys have done before but I did notice that there were some guys I know very well to be very loud and cocky, well this day they were very quite and soft spoken and teary eyed. Just watching how deployment effects everyone so differently is crazy to see. I did see fear in some of the young soldiers and I saw some that were very excited and ready to get the job done. But over all the moral was very low and some what had a creepy silence to it all.

Was I in the same place? Was this the old dirty smelly barracks? Wheres the guys running down the hall making fun of each other for some lame reason? Wheres the stupid guys that like to push each other down the hall in a desk chair? Now it's clean and rooms are empty and everyone is trying to keep it together. It was a very different place than from what I've seen before.

I hugged Brandon as much as I could while I was there and now I wish I would have hugged him more. My arms ache for him now. I left the barracks at 0630 and started my long drive home, which only really takes 4 mins. but it was snowing really bad and none of the streets have even been plowed yet. I really don't know how I made it home I cried my eyes out all the way there. What I kept thinking about was the last thing Brandon told me. He said that if there was anything to ever happen to him I need to know that he loves me and our babies, and that everything he has done or is going to be doing is for us. He said please Ruth let them know who their Daddy is, and that I'll always be with them. Well that was the last thing I ever wanted to hear come out of his mouth but I guess when your in the line of work he's in you have to sadly enough think of those kinds of things. But with many prayers and support I'm sure he'll be just fine.

After I got home I had to turn right around within a hour and take Becky to the air port. That drive alone was very scary because we had total white out conditions. But once we got there saying good bye to Becky was really hard!! I was so glad she had come out to visit and re leave some of the stress I was carrying. Coming home to a empty house and seeing all of Brandon's things he had ware the night before made me miss him like crazy. I must have hugged that shirt all day. Well here I am now just waiting till the next time he calls me. Seems like my day goes by alot faster when I get to talk to him. Emily is really starting to miss her daddy and doesn't know where he is or why he isn't coming home. I'm trying my best to help her with all that but with her age she just doesn't understand. I'll be sure to write more sorry so long but thoughts and feelings are just pouring out right now. I'm sure time will heal all but I my heart isn't complete until he gets home.

AWWW MAN!

Well looks like I've done it! Wouldn't you know it with everything else happening in my life right now. I go and break my wrist!

I broke it a month and half ago while falling down the stairs! (hahahaha) I was trying to be goofy with Brandon and I slipped and fell. It was pretty funny but somewhat hurt at the same time. I never went to the doctor (i have such a fear). And with all the shoveling of all the snow I have been re hurting it. well I went to the doctor today (thank you Brandon you were right) and he took xrays and yep broke. I actually broke 4 tiny bones, 2 of which have been broken twice. I didn't have to have a cast because the bones are so tiny but they put me into a soft cast and a brace for sleeping. It's funny to think about these tiny bones can be so painful. And I have got to hand it to the military doctors cause I was only given IB proffin. OH BOY that really helps..................not.

So thats not all of corse!! It never is when I finally go to the doctors!!! He sits me down and wants to talk about this white mass in my wrist! Well I tell you I'm thinking the the worst!! Turns out I guess I have a very bad cause (for my age) of carpa tunnel. (sorry I can't spell it) Well I guess the white mass is the size of a quarter. And he thinks I need to get in as soon as possible to have surgery. So I don't know how that'll happen while Brandon's gone so looks like I'll have to wait tell he gets back. Well after finding out how old my body is starting to get I thought ok just let me go home and milk it for all it's worth. hahahahaha But no he wants to xray my left wrist. well turns out I have a small amount in that one too. Great!! Sooooo oh well I guess life happens! I would love to wake up tomorrow with my 17 year old body again! But only in my dreams!! =(

Thankful for family!!

I have to say I'm am so thankful for my family!!! With this hard time creeping closer and closer I have had many people sending emails and calls just to make sure we are OK with everything that's happening!! Thank you everyone. Yes this is a very stressful and depressing time, but with everyone showing lots of support it helps. I'm so happy to share that my big sister Becky is going to come out here this Monday and stay with me to say good by to Brandon!!!!! This will make my time to say good bye alot easier. Brandon feels the same he would rather have someone here with me to help with all the craziness.

Again thank you everyone so much, we truly feel loved and thought of often. We will keep everyone updated on everything that's happening.

Oh the dreaded deployment count down begins!

This blog entry is some what sobering some of these pictures will make you cry, but I feel this should be shown everyday. Just to remember that there are families out there missing their solider, and that they are fighting for MANY rights we enjoy today!

I soon will be joining theses ranks of people and we will all have many things in common. Brandon will be leaving home to fight in Afghanistan for a little over a year. He'll be leaving in a very short 2 weeks. As I sit here and write this I can't help but miss him already. Every time I even think about having to go through this again I can't help but cry. I try to be strong in front of him because I don't want him to think I'm gonna be a huge mess when he's gone but............. What can I do, the love of my life and the father of my children is leaving, fighting a war in a strange and foreign land, me not knowing if he's sick or hungry,cold or in harms way!

I have faith that he has been taught well in order to get the job done and come home safe. But I still worry. I'm a worry wart. The one thing that is going to kill me and will be very hard to keep strong, is watching my children miss him and not fully understanding why he's gone. We have tried to talk to Emily about whats going to happen but she really can't grasp the full meaning behind it all or really even remember what I said the day before. So this is come as a shock to her.

AGAIN** these pictures arn't for me to be dramatic but to show how deployment effects the entire family!****

People seem to tell me oohhh you'll be ok don't worry it'll be over before you know it. Well to me thats pretty harsh, because to everyone else it's another day, it's "boy that month went fast" and I hate my job. To me it's lonely nights, sleeping with the telephone, folding the last of his laundry wishing the next time I did laundry something of his was in it, and trying to keep the house and my self together. Lonely holidays and watching many "Firsts" of our children alone wishing he could see them too.

Watching the kids go through a tough deployment is the worst. Emily is so crazy about her daddy that everything she does she can't wait for daddy to get home just to show him, or run screaming through the house because he's home. I'm not looking forward to hearing her cry for daddy when she's sick or hurt (which she does EVERYTIME). Olivia is going to be hard because I'm afraid she'll start to forget him. She's young enough now for that to happen. I have to start making home videos and take lots of pictures to show her everyday.

I tend to get my self in trouble with some wives I know, because I hear about all the fights and all the name calling they do with each other. Or how something so small can set them off. Like not putting the toilet seat down or not picking up their socks on the floor or something really stupid. I've learned from my first deployment with Brandon that when I did all that nagging , when he was gone and I'd have nothing to pick up or put down or anything like that it made me miss him even more. And why in the hell did I nag so much when I could've used that time to just love him and thank god he was there. I don't do it any more thats for sure, I might find my self getting upset but I remember how it felt when he was gone, and I just do it.

Well I know that when he took this career this would be a path I'd find myself walking many times. And as an army wife I have to try and be strong at least to him and my kids. For all of you reading I hope the next time to see a soldier or an army wife thank them for the sacrifice they make every day to ensure your freedom. Adopt a soldier and send him cookies or something small to let him/her know someone home is thinking of them. Soldiers are a different breed, brave, strong, and honorable. I'll soon start my new blog recording all my days while he's away. Keeps our little family in your prayers. Thanks

I hate the snow!

Holy Cow it is still snowing.!!!!!!! We have had so much snow I can't believe this is happening. Yesterday me and Brandon spent forever clearing all the snow so we could get out of our drive way! Well wouldn't you know it w wake up this morning and IT'S SNOWING!!!! And it's not just this little tiny flakes. IT'S HUGE FLAKES!!!!!!!! We are going to have to start all over again and clear all of it. My arms ache so bad for having to shovel all day. Well maybe I'll come back to Colorado looking like I've worked out the entire time I've been out here.

All this snow just makes me wanna cry every time I look out the window. We have at least a 7 foot pile of snow next to our drive way from all the times we shovel it to the side and it looks like that crap isn't gonna melt until next August. People think living in a place like washington or some rainy state would be all depressing or something like that. But I have to tell you nothing is more depressing than looking out the window and for 3 weeks straight all you see it white dirty snow. Shoveling everyday just to run to the store to grab milk or diapers. It sucks. I'd rather deal with the rain!!!!

I HATE THE SNOW