Monday, December 29, 2008

Oh the dreaded deployment count down begins!

This blog entry is some what sobering some of these pictures will make you cry, but I feel this should be shown everyday. Just to remember that there are families out there missing their solider, and that they are fighting for MANY rights we enjoy today!

I soon will be joining theses ranks of people and we will all have many things in common. Brandon will be leaving home to fight in Afghanistan for a little over a year. He'll be leaving in a very short 2 weeks. As I sit here and write this I can't help but miss him already. Every time I even think about having to go through this again I can't help but cry. I try to be strong in front of him because I don't want him to think I'm gonna be a huge mess when he's gone but............. What can I do, the love of my life and the father of my children is leaving, fighting a war in a strange and foreign land, me not knowing if he's sick or hungry,cold or in harms way!

I have faith that he has been taught well in order to get the job done and come home safe. But I still worry. I'm a worry wart. The one thing that is going to kill me and will be very hard to keep strong, is watching my children miss him and not fully understanding why he's gone. We have tried to talk to Emily about whats going to happen but she really can't grasp the full meaning behind it all or really even remember what I said the day before. So this is come as a shock to her.

AGAIN** these pictures arn't for me to be dramatic but to show how deployment effects the entire family!****

People seem to tell me oohhh you'll be ok don't worry it'll be over before you know it. Well to me thats pretty harsh, because to everyone else it's another day, it's "boy that month went fast" and I hate my job. To me it's lonely nights, sleeping with the telephone, folding the last of his laundry wishing the next time I did laundry something of his was in it, and trying to keep the house and my self together. Lonely holidays and watching many "Firsts" of our children alone wishing he could see them too.

Watching the kids go through a tough deployment is the worst. Emily is so crazy about her daddy that everything she does she can't wait for daddy to get home just to show him, or run screaming through the house because he's home. I'm not looking forward to hearing her cry for daddy when she's sick or hurt (which she does EVERYTIME). Olivia is going to be hard because I'm afraid she'll start to forget him. She's young enough now for that to happen. I have to start making home videos and take lots of pictures to show her everyday.

I tend to get my self in trouble with some wives I know, because I hear about all the fights and all the name calling they do with each other. Or how something so small can set them off. Like not putting the toilet seat down or not picking up their socks on the floor or something really stupid. I've learned from my first deployment with Brandon that when I did all that nagging , when he was gone and I'd have nothing to pick up or put down or anything like that it made me miss him even more. And why in the hell did I nag so much when I could've used that time to just love him and thank god he was there. I don't do it any more thats for sure, I might find my self getting upset but I remember how it felt when he was gone, and I just do it.

Well I know that when he took this career this would be a path I'd find myself walking many times. And as an army wife I have to try and be strong at least to him and my kids. For all of you reading I hope the next time to see a soldier or an army wife thank them for the sacrifice they make every day to ensure your freedom. Adopt a soldier and send him cookies or something small to let him/her know someone home is thinking of them. Soldiers are a different breed, brave, strong, and honorable. I'll soon start my new blog recording all my days while he's away. Keeps our little family in your prayers. Thanks


Becky Jamison said...

Gosh, Ruthie, your posting made me cry. I'm sorry your family has to go through this but we all understand how brave and courageous Brandon is and we're very proud of you all. You must know we'll have you ALL in our prayers every day. We'll get a package off to Brandon every month. I'm not going to say "it'll fly by" or "it'll be easy". You and I both know it's gonna be tough. Heavenly Father will help you all thru it. We have faith that He will! We love you!

Lisa Jamison said...

I love you Ruthie! I wish so bad we lived closer right now so we could spend every single night together doing something. Even if it's just watching a movie. I want you know that Matthew and I will be here for you if you need anything. Call us, write us, do whatever you need to do to get through this. We will keep you in our thoughts. The girls will understand the sacrafice daddy has to make when they are older. But yes I know it's very hard when you get to see all their "firsts" and all the little things they come up with everyday :) Brandon is a very brave man, and I appreciate Brandon and you for doing what you do. I love you very much Ruthie!! HUGS!!!!!!!

Come home soon