Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The days are long, the nights are even longer!

Well I guess I'm making my self write a new blog. I need to try and pull my self out of this funk that I'm in. I know that these blogs always make me feel alittle better every time I write one, so here it goes.

I took Brandon to work early Saturday morning (the 17th) and thats where I said goodbye. He had to be there by 0300 and finale good byes were at 0700. We didn't even sleep that night before we just sat and talked and wanted to spend every min. together. Once I got there and saw all the other guys getting their weapons drawn and packing their assault packs on the truck. It started to hit me like a ton of bricks. I did my best trying to keep everything together for Brandon but some tears just wouldn't stay hidden.

I was watching everyone sit and talk and talk shop like all the guys have done before but I did notice that there were some guys I know very well to be very loud and cocky, well this day they were very quite and soft spoken and teary eyed. Just watching how deployment effects everyone so differently is crazy to see. I did see fear in some of the young soldiers and I saw some that were very excited and ready to get the job done. But over all the moral was very low and some what had a creepy silence to it all.

Was I in the same place? Was this the old dirty smelly barracks? Wheres the guys running down the hall making fun of each other for some lame reason? Wheres the stupid guys that like to push each other down the hall in a desk chair? Now it's clean and rooms are empty and everyone is trying to keep it together. It was a very different place than from what I've seen before.

I hugged Brandon as much as I could while I was there and now I wish I would have hugged him more. My arms ache for him now. I left the barracks at 0630 and started my long drive home, which only really takes 4 mins. but it was snowing really bad and none of the streets have even been plowed yet. I really don't know how I made it home I cried my eyes out all the way there. What I kept thinking about was the last thing Brandon told me. He said that if there was anything to ever happen to him I need to know that he loves me and our babies, and that everything he has done or is going to be doing is for us. He said please Ruth let them know who their Daddy is, and that I'll always be with them. Well that was the last thing I ever wanted to hear come out of his mouth but I guess when your in the line of work he's in you have to sadly enough think of those kinds of things. But with many prayers and support I'm sure he'll be just fine.

After I got home I had to turn right around within a hour and take Becky to the air port. That drive alone was very scary because we had total white out conditions. But once we got there saying good bye to Becky was really hard!! I was so glad she had come out to visit and re leave some of the stress I was carrying. Coming home to a empty house and seeing all of Brandon's things he had ware the night before made me miss him like crazy. I must have hugged that shirt all day. Well here I am now just waiting till the next time he calls me. Seems like my day goes by alot faster when I get to talk to him. Emily is really starting to miss her daddy and doesn't know where he is or why he isn't coming home. I'm trying my best to help her with all that but with her age she just doesn't understand. I'll be sure to write more sorry so long but thoughts and feelings are just pouring out right now. I'm sure time will heal all but I my heart isn't complete until he gets home.

1 comment:

Lisa Jamison said...

Ruthie, I can't even imagine the feelings and emotions you are feeling. I go crazy if I dont see Matt for one day. Let alone months. I really do wish you the best and you will get through this. You are a stronger woman than I will ever be. If you ever need to talk, we are always home and waiting to listen. Miss you!

Come home soon